Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
