I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
