Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
