wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
