the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
