Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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