The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
