If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
