id be glad to
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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