The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
