Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
