worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
