i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
