I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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