I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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