and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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