I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
