Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
