the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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