Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
