I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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