Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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