as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
