I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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