I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
