I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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