fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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