he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
