just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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