Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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