I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We're too hungover to prance.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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