she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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