You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
