I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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