I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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