i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
