Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
