I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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