Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
