after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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