I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
