considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
