somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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