I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This is classic penis vs brain.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
