dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
