Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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