when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
