I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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