Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Found the puke drawer
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
