The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
