dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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