So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
